Tuesday, January 29, 2013

We will Remember!

If I could sit with you over coffee this morning,  I may tell you that  I celebrated a birthday this month. Or talk about how we crossed a ginormous hurdle and moved a week ago.

Or I may tell you through throaty sobs what An amazing God we serve.

 I think I may dwell on the latter because it's really the most important one.
I find myself on the brink of tears all the time these days.

I have been battling as many of you dear friends and loved ones have on my knees in prayer For Benji. I am exhausted, but amazed. As God has made himself real and shown himself to be our ever present help in time of trouble over and over again.

A week ago we got some horrible news that Benji was declining rapidly. We were shocked, scared, and deeply grieved at what the possibilities of all this could be. We, as a family, have lived with the fact of Benji's disease since he was an infant. We don't always know how to deal with the "what is" so we try to never dwell on the "what if's" and just live today in the most ordinary way as we can. Benji has always wanted to be just one of the rest of the kids. And his parents have done a good job of helping him to have as ordinary  of an existence as they could.
Speaking openly to our kids or to Benji about all that's happening has been, well, difficult at times. The realities of life and what may or could  happen were only spoken of with the adults for the most part. Monday that changed for us with our little family.
For the first time in 8 years we had to speak very frankly and openly about what was happening and that we may indeed be faced with a death that would leave an enormous hole in our family. Our son Jalen is close to Benji. They are 3 months apart in age and have always been buddies. It has been difficult for Jalen to show emotion on this matter. I am a digger when it involves my children's brains or emotions. I'm rarely okay with "fine"... but this matter has been a closed one with my teen's heart. And I typically leave him to process privately. However, Tonight we encouraged him to let his tears flow, as we whispered to him the words... "They aren't sure Benji's going to make it".  It was heart wrenching as he wrapped his arms around me and let his emotions freely show. But I was glad he could.
As we made our way to grandma and grandpa's house for a prayer meeting we were all very emotional choking out sobs and pleas of help to our Only Hope. The Creator of  breath. The sustainer of life. We were asking for his will to be done. And if he could would he please let that Will include life for our cousin, Our nephew, My only sister's son. While we were praying together as a larger family we got the text that Benji had stabilized. We all were so thankful as we praised God for his healing. The mood lightened and the grief turned to celebration.

On our way home the questions came... " How does prayer change God's mind"? "Why do we pray"? "What is the purpose"?
And the next morning my head was dancing with it's own line of questions... So God saved. He moved. He answered our prayers in the way we hoped. But does that mean we control God by our out cry's and plea's of mercy? Does he act because there are so many praying? I have a lot of questions. And some of them may not get answered. I know the "right" answers to many of them. But when faced with crisis the right answers are not always enough.

Sometimes it's verbalizing the lack of understanding that makes clear  in our own heads our position before the all Knowing one, Not to question his ability but to recognize our inability to handle his job.

What about all the people  who pray in faith but don't get the answer they hoped for? Why does he choose to say yes here but no there?

The end of the week brought about some more bad news. Again the Doctors stating there may be nothing left to do if things didn't turn around. And once again, we prayed. We called out and cried.
I turned to music as I always do. It's so comforting to my soul. The first song I pulled up on You Tube was the Song by Tommy Walker... We will Remember.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoqV2ucPsaI&feature=share (if you want to hear this powerful song you can click here)


It was meant to be.
Verse after Verse I wept as the fear subsided and God assured me he has done it before he can do it again.
And God did perform some mighty miracles once again. So much support through prayer and thoughtful messages has been shown to The whole Family. On Saturday night as a tribute to Benji and his brother Cory who were missing from their basketball games The school draped each of the boys jersey's over the bench. All the players gathered center court for a time of prayer to the great physician.
Benji is no longer on the brink of death but has moved out of ICU and with assistance, walked to his new bed.
We are thanking Jesus, with so many, for the signs and wonders he has performed.

God has been whispering this to me all week." Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom". Psalm 90:12

 If any of us knew that this was our last week to tread here on the soil of earth how would we live? What would be important? Who would we need to speak to?
This could be it. I have no reason to believe otherwise.
May my heart be wise as I live life while counting each day a gift.


Teach me Lord to live Wisely and Well.

We continue to ask you to pray for strength and much grace for The Eash family as they journey the waters that sometimes threaten to overtake them.
Thank you so much for being the Church and partnering together on behalf of this family.

6 comments:

  1. Rosie:
    I had to shed some more tears, again, as I read your words. Your family has been in our prayers...a lot. I've been wondering how Jalen is dealing with all of this. Thank you for sharing this. I often turn to music too....I think it's my 'soul language'. In times like this I often think of the song:

    Many things about tomorrow
    I don't really understand,
    But I know who holds the future
    And I know He holds my hand.

    Love you!
    ~~Carol T

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    1. Thank you my dear friend! I love that song too. It's so awesome to know he is still with us! <3 love you!!

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  2. We have been praying for Benji each night here at our house. My boys ask me how Benji is doing if I haven't given an update recently. :-) We are amazed and awed at God's faithfulness.

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    1. So touching to know you and your sons care and are praying! Thank you so much!! <3

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  3. Love this Rose, love the way you share your heart. Praying for you and your family. Helps so much to have details, thanks for sharing. Hugs and love :)
    Stacey

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    1. Thank you so much! Hugs to you too!!

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