I think I may dwell on the latter because it's really the most important one.
I have been battling as many of you dear friends and loved ones have on my knees in prayer For Benji. I am exhausted, but amazed. As God has made himself real and shown himself to be our ever present help in time of trouble over and over again.
Speaking openly to our kids or to Benji about all that's happening has been, well, difficult at times. The realities of life and what may or could happen were only spoken of with the adults for the most part. Monday that changed for us with our little family.
For the first time in 8 years we had to speak very frankly and openly about what was happening and that we may indeed be faced with a death that would leave an enormous hole in our family. Our son Jalen is close to Benji. They are 3 months apart in age and have always been buddies. It has been difficult for Jalen to show emotion on this matter. I am a digger when it involves my children's brains or emotions. I'm rarely okay with "fine"... but this matter has been a closed one with my teen's heart. And I typically leave him to process privately. However, Tonight we encouraged him to let his tears flow, as we whispered to him the words... "They aren't sure Benji's going to make it". It was heart wrenching as he wrapped his arms around me and let his emotions freely show. But I was glad he could.
As we made our way to grandma and grandpa's house for a prayer meeting we were all very emotional choking out sobs and pleas of help to our Only Hope. The Creator of breath. The sustainer of life. We were asking for his will to be done. And if he could would he please let that Will include life for our cousin, Our nephew, My only sister's son. While we were praying together as a larger family we got the text that Benji had stabilized. We all were so thankful as we praised God for his healing. The mood lightened and the grief turned to celebration.
On our way home the questions came... " How does prayer change God's mind"? "Why do we pray"? "What is the purpose"?
Sometimes it's verbalizing the lack of understanding that makes clear in our own heads our position before the all Knowing one, Not to question his ability but to recognize our inability to handle his job.
What about all the people who pray in faith but don't get the answer they hoped for? Why does he choose to say yes here but no there?
The end of the week brought about some more bad news. Again the Doctors stating there may be nothing left to do if things didn't turn around. And once again, we prayed. We called out and cried.
I turned to music as I always do. It's so comforting to my soul. The first song I pulled up on You Tube was the Song by Tommy Walker... We will Remember.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoqV2ucPsaI&feature=share (if you want to hear this powerful song you can click here)
It was meant to be.
Verse after Verse I wept as the fear subsided and God assured me he has done it before he can do it again.
Benji is no longer on the brink of death but has moved out of ICU and with assistance, walked to his new bed.
God has been whispering this to me all week." Teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom". Psalm 90:12
If any of us knew that this was our last week to tread here on the soil of earth how would we live? What would be important? Who would we need to speak to?
This could be it. I have no reason to believe otherwise.
May my heart be wise as I live life while counting each day a gift.
We continue to ask you to pray for strength and much grace for The Eash family as they journey the waters that sometimes threaten to overtake them.
Thank you so much for being the Church and partnering together on behalf of this family.