Wednesday, April 18, 2012


She will be fine.

She will.

She is going to be okay.

I keep telling myself this as my gaze is fixed on the window.

Waiting for her return.

My mind is whirling.
Walking down memory lane. Life was so simple back when I had full control over their daily happenings. I didn't always believe that then but somewhere I knew in my heart that while raising small children had it's own set of stress it was nothing like waiting up for them at night. Not knowing where they were.
I like to physically see each of my children with my own set of eyes before I retire at night. And even if it has changed that I now go to bed before the majority of my house does, I still know that they are present and accounted for.

I know it will not always be like this.
And today marks that change.

In walks a mother with two toddlers in tow.. One on her hip. I remember doing that. How fast it went! The need to have personal space would at times be overwhelming. And now I sit here. Alone. Waiting.
As I watch, my eyes mist over. I know she will never understand my sentiments. So I hold my tongue and smile. I never cared much for the comments about how time flies. I knew it did. I did not want to be reminded. Oh how it flies.

As I wait for my daughter to return with our van and her driving instructor my mind spins. "Remember when.." is the echo I hear.
I realize it is one more "letting go" that must happen in order to accomplish the mission I have been given.

I try to be brave. To act like it's no big deal. Like I do this every day. But as my eyes continue to stare out the window of the BMV, I pray. For safety. And a good report.

I want her to pass but I secretly wish I could just take her back to these days for one more day.
I know it's not wise to start being all sappy. I need to be happy. And part of me truly is.
It's a big deal. She has changed so much.
And she needs wings to fly.
She needs to do these things so she needs me less.
And yet, it's a ripping.. a string that is attached to my heart, and I feel the tug.

Then without warning in she steps.
I have totally missed her reappearance because she parked out of my line of vision.
I hear her chatter and light laugh.
She walks around me until she is front and center and frowns.
I say.. Well?
She..... as her frown instantly turns upside down to her beautiful smile.
PASS! She says as she throws her arms around me.
Yay! I cheer. We need some Starbuck's for that accomplishment!
(and my nerves)

What an achievement!
I am proud of her.
And my heart knows it is right.
And good.
All these changes make me realize my heart actually is a lot stronger than it used to be.
Back when.
Because daily grace is what we all need.
I can't think of the what if's or whens of the future.
I must focus on the grace I have for today.

And today my sweet 16 beauty is a licensed driver.
So I celebrate with her.


  1. Feeling misty eyed for and with you! I still have a couple years to go (4, yes I'm counting) until we hit this milestone. Praying for the safety of your new driver and for the peace of mind for you!

  2. So well spoken Rose! May God bless you as you continue through the teen years!


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