Monday, April 30, 2012

Birthday Smirthday!

So in January I turned the big 40.
And I don't even care..very much...maybe a little....but not a lot.

It's just a number and I am always guessed older than I am by a long shot...
So who cares?!
But you want to know a secret?
I really don't like my birthday.

I love what surrounds my birthday...all the breakfast dates and sweet cards and nice things people feel compelled to say. That stuff is fine and makes me feel warm inside. Not like " a wet my pants kind of warm", a sincere compliment can hang over me for days!! Affirmation and Encouragement is just nice.

I just dislike the actual day.

Dawn and I go way back.. We were born in the same hospital 1 day apart.

Me and my Malaina
I, usually, if I'm not forced to work, would rather just stay in bed with my pjs on. And perhaps on certain birthdays with my covers over my head.
Them's my boys!

After trying to figure out the source of my blues the weeks that proceeded my birthday I finally came to a conclusion...
Shirley, Me, My mom and Cindy...They treated me to breakfast
I think maybe it's this... Birthdays make me feel like I am being evaluated....and after talking to some friends I realized I wasn't alone.

Heather...She is responsible for all this creativity on the table! What a sweet way to show me love! <3

Because this is how it usually goes. On January 9, a day after my day of birth, if someone realizes I just had a birthday their first question is "what'd you do for your birthday?" and since it typically isn't anything to tell anyone about...
 I feel like a loser.
And I wonder ... Am I the only birthday loser in the cosmos? And why is it that I'm the only one in this family who buys my own cake? And then I remember... That's right I'm the mom and I take care of that for everyone else. And why in the world do I even care anymore?

And then Facebook. Oh it's wonderful to hear all the happy birthdays....but even that can feel like a contest.

My best friend in the whole world

There is no winning in it.
Heather, Me and Regina

Hello. Am I talking to anyone today?
It's really crazy the way we do this to ourselves.
Kim and Rolonda
And its really messed up.
And it steals our joy.

Do you want to know one of the nice things my friend said to me at the surprise bash my husband threw for me a week after my birthday? She said...I like how real you are.
I'm not sure I always really like that about myself.
Because I share embarrassing stuff like this. But I share it with a purpose.
1. Because it keeps me humble.
2. Because I think there are other somewhat flawed people out there just like me that may never share how they feel but may feel a little better knowing they aren't the only one.
3. Because I want to share what I've learned through it.
Heather was responsible for making all the sweet specials at the surprise party. And she made sure I had a cake on my birthday! 

And in this case I should say what I am learning. Because even after all these years I still don't have it down.

The day we were born our creator must have been a bit misty eyed as he set our life in motion. He must have looked over at the angels and said "look what I just did!" and as any proud papa would do he must have smiled as he watched his child sleep and said... "I'm so proud of you"!
Shayne, Rolonda, My Mom

It's a little humbling isn't it?
That he knows every detail of us.
Our hair count.
Our thought before we speak it.

And he doesn't compare us with any of his other creations.
No perfect parent would do that with their kids.
Why would God?

The creator of the stars made you and me.
He designed us with a special thought in mind. And he wants us to embrace his plan.
This is where I want to always find worth.
The kind of worth that doesn't depend on people who can not be god to me.
Shirley, Carol, Cindy and Carla

Because when I start to place people in the creator's place I get into a lot of trouble. And I get frustrated because they don't always behave in ways I wish they would...because unlike God these people around me can't actually read my mind.  And sometimes they may even be having their own crisis and seem to be distant for mine.

But not so with my maker.
He is present for every crisis. He never sleeps.
And he longs to be involved in our every moment.

I Really think it's pretty cool.

How we're all his favorites.
Donny G. Always the clown...

But for today.... I would rather celebrate your birthday.
It's just a lot of fun to bring joy to someone else.

I'm kind of glad we don't celebrate more than once a year...

How about you?

Otherwise I'd be like 80 and that would be really old... wink wink~

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