I just have to share with you how God has been working in this heart.
I sat in service yesterday as Pastor Bill was teaching out of John 12..
The cross of Christ.
One of his quotes was this... "the mark of an authentic gospel is if it begins with a cross".
I must admit that about 10 minutes into his sermon I kind of went down a road in my head and didn't hear everything else he had to say... But I think it was the Spirit and I think it may be something I'm supposed to share with someone today.
The question that I wrote down was.... What Cross am I running from?
It's just a thing or place or a putting to death of something.
Maybe you can relate.
When I was a kid I loved life. But I didn't love being a preachers kid sometimes. That's putting it mildly. I didn't like it most times. For different reasons. But when I got to adulthood I very clearly remember going up at a revival saying God if you want me to be a pastor's wife or in full-time ministry... I will do it.
And that was that. I felt free from having made that "I will never" statement.
And yesterday it was another one of those times God just plopped another thing right there in my mind. And I knew the answer to my own question.
It was a place I was unwilling to even consider...And God said "I want to know that you are willing to run into danger. That you are available to lay down your own plans and die to yourself for my sake. That reputation and self preservation are far from you"....
Me: "Awhhhkkk. Really? Okay. But you're sure you don't want to send me to Afghanistan? I'm not sure but I think that may be more fun".
Today I am thanking him for giving me freedom to choose. He doesn't force me into a head lock and stick a needle in my eyeball. He gently reminds me... "Here's an area, a place that needs polishing. A room that needs to be uncluttered."
My job here is to follow the one who bore a cross and voluntarily laid down his life for me.
How on earth do I think I should be exempt from the cross?
And the thing that keeps going through my head is this...
I will never live more at peace than when I am crucified.
And I must do it every day.
It's actually when the real power begins.
Because it's not mine but his.
King James Version (KJV)
20I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.