There is something about desperation that changes something in us.
Something about feeling like everything is gone that makes us run to the source of where it all came from.
There is a place that no one ever hopes to go.
Down to the pit of sorrow.
The lonely place of isolation.
The valley of darkness.
The place that feels so raw it hurts to be physically touched.
Where it seems impossible to see that life was ever good or will ever be okay again.
When I was a little girl I desperately wanted my Father's affection.
Desperately sought to be loved.
And While I believe my earthly father loved me...
It wasn't enough to fill that void in me.
And later as I grew into a young woman that deep inner longing to be loved also grew.
My heart cried out to be accepted by someone.
A man who would love me unconditionally.
Who would cherish me for who I really was.
And eventually I found someone who filled that void in me.
I married him.
And it wasn't long before I recognized that this man could not keep that hole in my heart filled up. He could never do enough to make me feel loved all the time.
In fact sometimes I wanted to hold up a FAIL sign because he had not filled that hole the way I thought he should.
I was trying to make him "god" in my life.
About 8 years into our marriage I was pouring my heart out to my heavenly Father late one night.... and as I did something changed in me.
He changed me.
He showed me in a very real way that he is the ONLY one who could fill that void.
He was there ready to fill that hole, and I threw myself before him realizing this was what I had longed for.
I spent several hours basking in his love as he spoke softly to me.
But before that time with him ended I asked.....
"Why now? Why are you treating me with this favor?"
And I heard him say....
"You will need this for what is to come".
Since that time, I've wondered is this what you meant?
Is this it?
I know at least in part what that encounter was for.
I know that if my God had not in his tender mercy reached into my heart that night I could have fell without the great awareness that he is with me wherever I go.
I know that he allows us to walk through the fire in order to be refined.
And I know he allows us to be sifted as wheat.
And I know that I can cling to his promise that he is continuing to fill the holes in my heart.
He is still my Father.
He is still the one who "Tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms,and carries them close to his heart: He gently leads those that have young." Isaiah 40:11.
And I know that "as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will my Father rejoice over me.: Isaiah 62:5
I believe Him when he says "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness. I will build you up again and you will be rebuilt." Jer 31:3,4
He fills the void if I let him.
His word is a healing balm to the desperate soul.
He will never let me fall to a place he has not before been or is not willing to go now.
Thank you so much for all who left messages in my inbox and for your emails. It is your prayers that mean so very much to Jason and I!
I am also praying for the ones of you who requested prayer.
He who called us will be faithful to complete the work he has started...
And He is pouring out his Faithfulness to all of us even now.
I'll be honest...
Rejoicing is pretty hard to do right now.
But I can be glad in this....
I will rejoice in what You are making us to be our Eternal loving Father!