Wednesday, September 17, 2008

To everything there is a season. Ecc 3:1

I met this really great guy in Ohio and we were "friends" for almost a year. We happened to live beside each other and I happened not to have a car so he took me for rides in his car. We fought a lot back in those days, you know, the flirting kind of fighting. He was ruthless and I never thought we could be more then car mates (just ask my roommate). But we ended up falling in love. Do you remember when your hands touched for the first time-the tingles up the spine! Or how about your first kiss? I thought I might pass out! The eyes, we could just say everything with our eyes!He was so charming! SO Cute! What's a girl to do? I knew it was the real thing after our first real "fight". I really wanted to break up with him and move on but I knew that if I did he would never come looking for me - he was too sure of himself. I didn't think he needed me that much! I knew I couldn't live without him.
We married and in 18 months we were expecting our first baby. Malaina came into the world in September. This month 13 years ago that precious face made her entrance and I became a mommy. Several thoughts that night...This is not a short term arrangement;She is the most beautiful baby ever; she will be walking down the aisle in no time at all(in fact Jason woke up in the middle of this particular sobbing fit). We brought her home and I remember just holding her for hours and staring at her face, listening to her breathe. Afraid to blink. I also remember lots of sleepless nights rocking her,humming,praying my breasts would quit hurting!! Life had changed for good. And Somehow I felt complete.
We moved to Louisville,KY when she was 6 months. While there we proudly added little Jalen to our family. I remember thinking "Whew, the pressure is off, I've got Jason his boy". What a fun time in life this was. A 2 year old and baby boy. Everything was new, exciting,and I savored the time with these two little people. Jalen was such a great baby. Slept through the night by 5 weeks. He smiled constantly! I wore hats on him a lot mainly because his head was large, bald and one ear had a mind of its own(just like his mamma's)Life was good...
I missed home a lot though, so after 2 years we moved to Indiana. That was 10 years ago.
Our second Sunday back we attended the church that we still attend today. The church was brand new. So there were lots of ideas and learning curves. We have gone through our ups and downs, struggles and victories. We believe this is what God has in mind for us. We love the people at our church. The first Sunday I was there I remember feeling like I was home. My thoughts on this: Church is not for perfect people, just fallen, broken, people who realize they need a Savior.

Jalen was 7 months when we moved back. We always wanted 4 children and within a year and a half we had our big boy Micah. This was the most emotional birth for me because with the first two I had been heavily sedated. Micah was a naturallll. He came out red and screaming. The boy knew from the start that the guy who yells loudest eats first. And he ate. For his first 3 years he would eat whatever anyone gave him. His love language was definitely food. Micah started talking at about 2 and he has kept us laughing ever since.
At this point in my life I now had a 4 year old, 2 year old and newborn. I seriously wondered if I could make it through some days. I don't remember a lot of the details of that first year. What happened? I remember someone telling me during this time "Just remember, the days are long but the years are short". How true those words are!
My 29th year of life was shaky...I was so dreading that BIG 30 that I wasn't sure if there would actually be life after it. All my insecurities about myself seemed to surface. All of a sudden a spotlight was turned on and I just had lots to deal with..Yucky stuff that I didn't realize was even lurking. Wondering if I had made a mistake with this marriage and mothering thing. Asking more questions then I had answers for. Wishing I had finished college. Wondering if music would ever play a significant role in my life again.Feeling guilty for my feelings. Yeah, guilt,lots of guilt.
And then guess what, I got pregnant. We had just made an offer on a home in the country. We needed space. I needed space! After 7 months we finally were able to work a deal and we dug into the biggest project of our lives. We ripped our new old house a part. Mostly Jason ripped, I painted, and fell through holes in the floor. Let me just say I had no time to sit around wondering about my life. Sophia was born 3 weeks after we moved in. 5 days 0verdue. Oh my sweet, Sophie. What a blessing after such an emotional pregnancy. We were so pleased. Two of each...No one plans that...She was the delight of all. From the beginning Sophia has known who she is and what she wants. Her name means "queenly one" and she lives up to that name better then any one I know. She did everything first...rolled,crawled,walked she will not be left behind!

And now, 5 years later I am saying goodbye to my baby girl as She skips off for her first full day of Kindergarten. What happened? Now people are asking "What do you do all day"? For 13 years that didn't seem optional for me. Life was centered around caring for babies, toddlers or preschoolers. And now, I have options. Oh believe me, I still spend lots of time organizing their schedules. They just don't need bottles and diaper changes any more. Yes indeed that season has ended. And I have a sting in my heart every time I think of it.

Not only that but Malaina will be a teenager this month. I am waaaaaaay too young to have a teen. Everything seems to be changing again. Isn't that funny how life does that to us. We just get used to our "normal" and then suddenly we have to learn a new "normal". One thing that I take great comfort in is knowing that when everything changes, one thing always stays the same and that is the love of my heavenly Father. I am so glad he isn't seasonal!
I wrote this song the week Sophie left for school.

On Christ the Solid rock, I place my confidence
when all around is shaky ground, and nothing is secure
Here I will take my stand, knowing I am in the hands
of the one who will never let me go.

And like the flowers of the field that fade away
seasons will come and then go
There is only one thing that always will remain
the love the Father has for his own.

When I am tried by fire, when disappointment, grief and loss
seem too much for me to bear.
Then I will reach for you, you hear my cry for help
You rescue me, and restore my hope again.

Just like the flowers of the field that fade away
seasons will come and then go
There is only one thing that always will remain
the love the Father has for his own.


  1. Hey Rose, just thought I would say hi and welcome to the blogging world... it can be very addictive=)but very fun, keeping up with other peoples lives. your children are beautiful.

  2. HI! First time on your blog, I think I found it from "livin' the dream" (can't remember exactly.) LOVE the song!!! I have tears after reading this post and I don't even know you! I love your realism and I too have been reminiscing the past, I just commented to my husband (of 8 years) the other day, riding in the car, that I remember our first ride in the car together. Now, 10 years later and 2 kids, life is so good (and different, HA!)!

    God Bless!


  3. Great to read about you and your family of 6 (4 kids)! We have girls for bookends too, wasn't sure if you knew that. We now have 2 in college. Life moves soooo fast! Just remember to "breathe", often!

    Don't think i ever told you, but I sure enjoyed the little bit of contact that we had when our kids were in 3rd grade together.

  4. Oh Rose, what a great way to get to know you even better! Great start to your brand new blog!!! I love the title to your blog...very creative. :) I loved how you described the newborn days. I felt that same awe struck with our first too. Just unbelievale, unconditional love. Even when they wake you in the middle of the stinkin' night.

    And then the next season comes...having all 4 in school. I can't imagine how that will be. I think you did a really neat job of painting that picture for me. :) You are right you aren't not old enough to have a teen.

    By the way I really think your next post should be all about the 3rd grade date thing. I need lots of pointers. And can you bring that book we talked about (Kevin Leman) to the campout this weekend?

    So proud of you for starting up your very own blog. :)

  5. Hey Rose, I just kind of stumbled upon your blog. What a shock when I saw you and Jason at the top. I enjoyed reading your post about your experience as a mommy. You have an amazing way with words. Keep it up. :=)

  6. I came back to tell you that I tried the Apple dessert you suggested last night to feed my two brother-in-laws.

    Then I noticed that your blog was fairly new, so I figured I'd go check out your first post, and now I am crying.

    That was a beautiful story and too sad for me to think about my own two getting big. Thanks for the perspective of someone a little further down the road in the process.


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